In Gloucester Township, New Jersey, a new menace is hitting the streets.

Rock and roll?

No, that’s TAME compared to this.

Rainbow parties?

No, only drag queens wear half those lipstick colors.

The streets of Gloucester Township are being RAVAGED by…

DRUNK GUMMY BEARS.

That’s right folks.

According to Lauren Burgoon of the Gloucester Township Patch:

It seems that teens are soaking the candy bears in vodka and gorging themselves, sometimes unwittingly, Gloucester Township Police say, because the boozy bears are odorless and look similar to their sober brethren.

First of all, the teens are gorging themselves. Not just having a few and getting buzzed.

They’re literally stuffing their fat little faces with these drunk gummy bears.

Second, the teens are doing it completely unaware, as “[t]he only distinguishing feature is that the bears double in size from the vodka bath.”

Clearly, the kids are legally blind and hands-less, because they can’t tell the difference between something and something being twice the size (it’s likely they came along because their mothers couldn’t either).

But officers who have nothing better to do with their time are on the case.

Officers haven’t received any reports of drunken bears on the loose in Gloucester Township, police hastened to add. The bulletin is merely an alert for parents, especially since the vodka bear recipe is online—a YouTube how-to received more than 17,000 views in less than a month, police said.

That’s right. Officers are on YouTube now, watching developments such as these.

Next thing you know, they’ll be warning against the danger of 5-minute makeup tutorials and overeager Korean pop stars.

So remember, if you find a bag of Gummy Bears on your child’s person, chances are you should check them into Betty Ford as a precaution.