Politics is dirty.

You’d better believe if you’re running for the House of Representatives that a mugshot can and will be used against you:

On a single night in February 2003, the ad released Friday notes, [Rep. Allen] West was on an Army base in Texas, preparing to go to war. College student Patrick Murphy, meanwhile, was being arrested outside a Miami-area nightclub after an alleged drunken brawl.

So remember kids—if you want to go into politics someday, try not to get a mugshot.

And if you do—at least make it look good.

he’s one white pair of shades short of “super douche”

In Vallejo, a small town in California’s Bay Area, a 26-year-old man “was arrested for drug possession, petty theft, public drunkeness [sic] and resisting arrest”.

Ok, with that last one, it’s like he was just trying to rack up whatever he could before they hauled him off.

And of course, “He got a free ride to county jail.”

It’s fun to make fun of law enforcement’s seemingly favorite phrase, “stop resisting”.

But some people are just so stupid that they want to rack up sentences and fight.

What did this guy honestly think he was going to do?

Punch an officer in the mouth and run away?

Did he think he would even get away?

stop resisting

It’s one thing to be drunk and belligerent.

It’s another thing to be drunk and so belligerent that you threaten to give the cop West Nile Virus.

Actually, his arrest transcript is pretty much a list of what not to do:

• Claim you only had one beer when you had clearly more
• Claim the last time you got arrested, the cops put a fake bag of crack on you
• Claim you, in retaliation, gave that town’s mayor West Nile Virus
• Claim that you’ll give all the cops West Nile Virus
• Claim that you’ll set all the police department’s squad cars on fire
• Say this: “You have kids right? Are you sure you want to mess with someone like me? I’m the man”.

Lesson: say none of this to an officer.  DEFINITELY say none of this to an officer while drunk.

Being drunk leaves you as a target for crime.

In Stockholm, a man was so drunk he fell onto the train tracks on the subway.

A bystander rushed down onto the tracks, observed the man and…

…took his wallet.

The drunk man was run over by the train but thankfully survived, where a group of Good Samaritans picked him up off the tracks.

This is proof positive that Sweden is not more advanced than us.

There are bad people everywhere.  Just because they drive super safe cars and live in well-designed houses you can assemble out of a box, doesn’t mean they’re free from humanity’s worst impulses.

their women on the other hand…

A flight attendant from Emirates Airlines was fired after being so drunk, she blew double the legal limit for drinking.

it’s a pity their uniform is your mom’s work suit with your grandma’s scarf

The captain picked up on it after “[s]he was working at the back of the plane and during the flight the purser [cabin manager] became aware she was very loud and had to ask her to quieten down”.

Usually it’s the other way around, but maybe after having to calm down drunk passengers all day, she just grabbed a few tiny bottles and got lit up.

Hey, if you’re gonna be drunk at work, at least hide it well.

Who knows, maybe she can get a job for Hooters Air now.

A common punishment for getting a DWI is getting your license taken away.

Peter Rivera got that in New York, and was also ordered to participate in an alcohol rehabilitation program.

He also received a conditional license, which he had on him when he was pulled over again, driving drunk.

Prosecutors attempted to charge him with a felony, but due to the fact that he was driving on a conditional license, he argued that he deserved a lesser charge, “operating his vehicle for a use other than those authorized by his conditional license”.

Basically, he said “I’m not supposed to be using this license you gave me right now, so your arrest is invalid”.

And through that loophole, he won.

Usually, lawmakers consistently try to pass laws to increase DUI punishments.

Not in Montana, though:

Bar owner Alan Hale said in a speech on the House floor this week that DUI laws are harmful to small businesses. The Republican from Basin implied that people need to drive home after drinking at their local bars.

Maybe the bar owner can drive patrons home himself.

After all, what’s more harmful to small businesses—a ride home for patrons or someone killing someone else after you served them alcohol?

A local restaurant where I grew up with a particularly boisterous bar scene actually bought a car and hired a driver on many nights.  The service was free, but it paid for itself over time–the driver made thousands in tips per night and it kept more and more people wanting to visit the bar when local law enforcement started cracking down on DUI offenders.

Plus, everyone got home safe.  And that’s all that matters, right?

that’s so cool!  brian brought his own handcuffs!